Automakers Are Hitting Hard With April Fools’ Day Pranks

April Fools’ Day is almost over, and as it ends, so do some obvious, some clever,  attempts by large companies (auto makers included) to trick their ardent followers into accepting bold new releases, shocking corporate news, and the like. Here are a few of the fake new cars and products never coming to a showroom near you:

Honda’s HondaHAIR, the  “first-ever mobile barbering tool for busy, cost-conscious families.” The HondaHAIR is a nifty, completely fabricated attachment for the very real vacuum that comes with the 2014 Odyssey. According to the helpful video Honda created specifically for the product, the HondaHAIR rips the hair straight out of your scalp to form any hair style known to man. It is even usable while driving for those who just don’t have the time to pull over.

Automobile Magazine has announced that, due to a new memorandum by Fiat and Chrysler CEO Sergio Marchionne, all white-collar Chrysler employees must wear suits and ties from this day forward (although Fridays and Saturdays will be semi-casual, with casual Sundays as well). Marchionne, a man that has seemingly only worn pullover sweaters his entire life, will also adhere to the code, which was created when he decided, “[…] that it’s time to dress like professional adults while at work.”

-Subaru jumped the gun a little bit and a few days ago declared that due to an incredible amount of customer demand, an AWD, twin-turbo diesel hybrid, two-seater convertible version of its BRZ sports car would be produced in 2015. Subaru apparently wanted to quash all rumors of possible powertrain and body style speculation that has run rampant throughout devoted Subaru circles, and combine all of the most exotic choices into one car. Subaru has announced the car will have a starting price (and, presumably, a release date), but a hotly-anticipated rear backup camera will not make the cut. Not enough room for the buttons, Subaru says.

-CEO of SRT Ralph Gilles announced, via Twitter, that a new ‘Cuda has been approved, much to the joy of MOPAR fans everywhere. The turbocharged 1.4L sends 850hp through the front wheels, but the ‘Cuda also manages to consume only 55mpg. 0-60mph comes in a Veyron-beating 1.8 seconds, although the car would look very much like an un-Veyron-like Dodge Dart.

Volvo, ever at the forefront of safety technology, will be incorporating a full exterior airbag on the new V40. In the case of an imminent collision with another vehicle, person, or simple rolling over a puddle of water, the airbag deploys, keeping steel, flesh, and stagnant liquid fully intact.

Volvo Airbag

-Nissan will be leveraging its GT-R brand to create something a bit more affordable than its just-under-$100,000 supercar. The natural progression is, of course, paninis. The Nissan Toast-R “blasts sandwiches from 0-to-grilled in 2.9 seconds,” an incredible feat that will likely make other toasters completely insignificant in the years to come.

Nissan Toast-R

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About Cameron Rogers

Cameron Rogers is the founder and lead writer at Downshift Autos, the only automotive blog on the Internet*. Born in the back of an AMC Gremlin, Cameron vowed to never let this extraordinarily embarrassing detail define him, so help him God. He drives a GTI but absolutely will not shut up about it if somebody asks. He will not hesitate to let people know that no, they shouldn't get a Porsche 911 when a Morgan 3 Wheeler is so obviously the superior choice. He is obsessed with the seats of a Carrera GT and the steering wheel of a Fisker Karma. He once sat in the driver's seat of a Tesla Model S, his greatest accomplishment to date. He is just now realizing that writing an autobiography, however miniscule, in the third person is odd and unnerving. *As of this writing, Cameron has been informed that there are, in fact, many websites and blogs centered around cars and car culture. He regrets his grievous error.

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